Labels I'd like to see:


Hey there!

Our Food Product sure is tasty aint it?

Can you guess why?


If you guessed 'Elven Magic', well you're just plain wrong.

Our food tastes good because it's full of FAT!


That's right, we cook all our food products with enough butter to make it taste great!

Now, these amounts of butter and other fats are not enough cause imediate health problems, but by no means whatsoever should you try and convince yourself that ours is a health food product.

Our standards of what is and is not healthy differs from the US Federal Goverment. They make us print their standards, and they are clearly displayed on the back of our package (right under our cuddly Dog logo, next to the fictionalized story of our Founders fondness for fishing). While (again on the back of this package) we disclose exactly what we put in our food products. Our standards of what is healthy are our own business, and of no concern to you. We warrant that our food tastes great and, as long as you are not allergic to any of our ingredients (again, listed on the rear of this package) poses no immediate danger to your health.

If you, based on the advice of the federal government, your doctor, your Gramma Ethel or most importantly yourself , feel you should not eat our food based on health reasons....

DON'T EAT OUR FOOD PRODUCT!


Thank you and enjoy!