so yeah, I was in NYC last week. It was miserable and humid, and I went in with a headache that never went away, so I spent most of the week huddled in bed napping, while sneaking out to wander the streets late at night in search of 24 hour shwarma.
friday night, as I was on standby to get on a seattle flight, the following events transpired:
the flight was full, I assumed that I would not get a seat, but as I had nothing else to do, I waited.
at the gate was a frat boy, about 21-23 years old. typical chauvanistic frat boy. He was actively complaining to the gate staff how he HAD to get on the flight because his sister was in labor.... I suppose it's possible. he did seem really stressed out.
slowly, in 1's and 2's the folks on the standby list got seats.... and then we all paused for about 5 min.... during this time Frat Boy wrung his hands, hyperventilated and ground his teeth.... me, feeling confident that I would not be on the flight just kind of hung out not knowing what else to do (and also increasing my chances of running into the Dreamy-est of the Super Dreamy, Jeff Curnes)
so let's just colour me surprised when they called my name to board the flight. I looked over at Frat Boy and he was seething and trying to inflict some serioius ESP harm upon me... sort of a "how dare they let that stinking hippie on that flight and not me! don't they know who my parents are?"
so I decided to see what I could play this for, and went up to him...
Sven: hey. you want to get on this flight.
Frat Boy: shit yeah.
S: hmm
FB: what?
S: who are you voting for in november?
FB: whaa?
S: who are you voting for in november?
FB: why are you asking me that? that's personal. why the fuck are you asking me that.
S: Do you want to get on the flight?
FB: dude, you gotta help me, my sister's gonna have a baby. IS having a baby right now. I need to be with my family.
S: who are you voting for in november?
FB: Bush, why the fuck do you care!?
S: Do you want to get on the flight?
FB: YES! for christ's sake!
S: then who are you voting for in november?
FB: what the fuck!? why do you care? aren't you swedish or something?
S: I'm looking at a simple transaction here. Do you want to get on this flight?
FB: yah...
S: then, who are you voting for in november?
FB: shit. you're really making me do this?
S: I can not make anyone do anything. I'm merely proposing a transaction.
FB: fuck.
S: do you want to get on this flight or not?
FB: (snidely) Ross Perot
S: I sure hope you can find another flight.
FB: fuck you. wait.(as he shakes his head yes)
S: I've got little incentive to sit here and haggle with you, I've got an aisle seat waiting for me.
FB: dude, I've got to see my sister. she's having a boy. this is really fucked up.
S: who are you voting for in november?
FB: (obvious distaste on his face) John Kerry
S: have a safe flight
as the gate crew was changing the computer to reflect his name, he turned to me with new confidence...
FB: what if I change my mind? You have no way of making me vote for Kerry.
S: You're right, I cannot make you or anyone do anything. But you're either a person who places value on the strength of your word, or you're just a lying shitbag. frankly I don't care all that much... but think about this transaction and your ability to honor it, and what sort of example that will set for your nephew the next time you or one of your friends decides to start bitching about morality, character and family values.
so I ended up sleeping at a hotel near JFK, and had to be up at 4:30 AM to make my flight back to seattle, which cost me an extra $300 all around, but the anguished look on FB's face, and the shocked and congratulatory expressions on the faces of the gate crew made the whole thing worth it.
